I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize