Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
