Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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