i don't like sucking hair
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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