i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
