Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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