you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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