I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is it because I queefed?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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