Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who died my cat blue again?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
