This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
