well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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