This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
