while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
