i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize