Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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