Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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