Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
