Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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