you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
