I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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