your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
