So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
