their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
