what day is it and did you see me today?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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