If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
