I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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