my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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