Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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