You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize