i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
