He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
