therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
