Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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