Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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