you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
