i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
