He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
