I puked a lego.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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