I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude i'm inner monologue high
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
