I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
