the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
