I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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