I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish you could order shots online.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
