Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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