Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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