but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
