u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
