I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
