I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
