Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
