Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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