Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
