I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize