I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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