Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
