whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
