ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
