White coat. Heels.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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