smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
