i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
