weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
