can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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