Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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