mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
