If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Randomize
