mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize