we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize