We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Operation Purity has been aborted
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
