He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize