so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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