The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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