He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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